Difficult, Past Week
On Sunday morning I received a call from my sis, the one I knew would be coming. My Dad had taken a turn for the worst, and I should head to his home soon. Two years ago Dad was found with colon cancer, the following month we learned it had metastasized to his liver, and he has fought it through surgery, liver ablations, and chemo. Amazingly during this time he has also traveled extensively, gone on cruises, met a new great-granddaughter, and enjoyed his time between medical treatments.
I packed up the boys on Monday and we drove to his home with the plans of spending a few days. It turned out that Dad really wanted me to stay all week, so we did. It has been a difficult week as I have watched Dad go downhill, losing strength, becoming disoriented and then gaining it back again, being able to eat and then not being able to do that. Just at the start of this month he had driven to Maine and back, eating in restaurants, driving, and now he has no strength to even move from the bed to a wheelchair. It has been difficult, meeting with hospice, setting up the funeral arrangements, while still caring for Dad.
Oh man, I could so bitch about several items, and as I traveled home today I composed this post several times. Writing it in my head what I wanted to share; including all the complaints but then I thought about the NICE Award Kitchen Table Learners awarded me. (They must not know about all the times I am far from nice.) So I thought of something else to share instead, something ScienceKid said:
“The good thing about all this (the past two years) is that Granddad has respect for you now mom.”
See, my dad didn’t know me, he never seemed to really want to know me. Sure we were always physically present to each other, and physically in each others lives, but the past two years I have been there for his surgeries, and taken care of him as a loved one should. His change in attitude is quite visible to even my boys. Today when we parted, as he hugged me goodbye he thanked me for being there all week, and for being such a huge help to him. He still has never, ever said he loves me, but I figure he just figures that I know that.
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August 31st, 2007 @ 6:18 pm
My dad doesn’t say “I love you” in words, either. However, that hug you got, those words of thanks you got –that’s his way of saying I love you. And he does.
August 31st, 2007 @ 11:38 pm
September 1st, 2007 @ 8:17 am
I’m sorry. My grandfather (lung cancer) went from being up and around and traveling extensively to very sick in a matter of weeks. It all happened so fast.
September 3rd, 2007 @ 9:34 am
Oh my… I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard it is… I cared for my mom during her final illness and I remember all too well the anger (and guilt for being angry)disbelief, sadness, etc. We too had some “baggage” between us (she struggled with mental illness and alcoholism her whole life, so as a child I was neglected and basically on my own a lot)but those last years of her needing me so much helped us both to heal and draw closer. I hope you and your kids are able to rest and recoup a little…
Thanks for the advice about the chicken mummy by the way… I’ve decided to take your advice and not try it. I’m thinking the last thing I need is a stinky chicken sitting around for months (while my dogs try to outsmart me and eat it!).
September 4th, 2007 @ 2:11 pm
I am so sorry that you are struggling with your Dad right now. It is especially difficult to try and manage everything long distance. But know that you are providing an excellent example for your boys. We went through this when 4 years ago with my mom. Know that my prayers are with you and your family. And tell him you love him. He may just surprise you….